The spiral of Imposter Syndrome
Almost all of the last decade was an internal struggle to justify what I have accomplished to myself. No matter what I did, or what I achieved I couldn’t stop myself from thinking “I am not good enough”. It was bothering me. I thought it about it everyday. I always had a burning desire to be a better version of myself. And that’s okay. It’s okay to have those desires. But it’s also important to take a step back and think where you are and where you were.
One day, aimlessly wandering in the streets of Notting hill I happened to walk into a bookstore. I wasn’t trying to dramatically replicate Julia Roberts. I just had a lot of time to myself that evening. I found a book called Belong. I read and listen to a lot of self help and motivational content and it turned out to be another whimsical purchase. One of the chapters asked the readers to plot their history; schools that they went to, jobs, heartbreaks etc. I sat down one day to list my life’s trajectory. I was surprised that some of the defining moments of my life were forgotten and cornered.
I was surprised to realize that in retrospection, as a kid how much I wanted to travel, join one of the top product companies in the world, live independently. Somehow, I never looked back and appreciated my own efforts. This was a huge wake up call.
The intention of this write up is to remind myself and everyone reading this, that it’s okay to constantly try to climb up the ladder, but it’s important to climb down one step and look at your present through the eyes of your past.
I’m talking about an equilibrium between the important things in life. I don’t know about everyone, but I wouldn’t be very happy if I limit myself from experiencing more, learning more, dreaming more, eating what I want, travel wherever I want, whenever I want. Doings things I love, in a way contribute to my self worth, esteem, confidence.
I call them keys that is going to unlock my happiness. When I do things that are imporant to me, they bring me happiness. The things that make me happy should also be important to me.Sometimes, we forget this correlation and sink into patterns. Others might have some other keys. I listed down my keys and I decided that I will never stop doing things that make me happy. If one key is missing for some reason, it’s worth to ask, is it something that you can live without? Will you be happy without this key? Are you willing to compromise?
